Practical Jokes War
by Dont-Eat-My-Pie
Summary: Ianto starts a practical joke war. Owen was humiliated and will get him back. please review. XoXo.
1. Ianto's Frustration

Ianto rolled his eyes at yet _another_ joke about Ianto sleeping with Jack. Owen thought he was so funny. Not this time. This time Ianto would be the funny one. But he didn't know how yet. He had to wait it out and find Owen's weakness.

.

.

"I hate paperwork." Owen sighed

"Me too." Tosh agreed.

"It never ends you know. You finish one pile and magically _another_ pile appears on your desk."

"I'm right there with ya."

It was the early hours of the morning and Owen and Tosh worked at their paperwork, trying to finish it as soon as possible. Gwen sat at her desk typing away at an incident report. Her eyes looked glazed. Like she had never been more bored. Jack sat up at his desk, sorting through piles and piles of paperwork. Everyone had started sorting through their own messy desks since the rift had been so quite lately.

"Ianto, could I get a coffee, I'm dying down here." Owen called. There was no answer. "Ianto!"

"Coming. Was just filing some things."

"Jut because you're shagging the boss doesn't mean you can get lazy around here." he joked.

Ianto rolled his eyes. He had to get back at him. All the times that he had embarrassed him in front of the whole team. He could see Tosh holding back her smiles and giggles and Gwen was smirking. He knew exactly how he was going to do it too.

He had thought it out. He had all of Owen's health and allergies written down in his personal folder so he wouldn't make a mistake and actually _hurt _him. Ianto looked carefully at the bottle in his hands. Checking to make sure it was safe before dropping two little tablets into Owens freshly made coffee. This would teach him.

"Here you are." Ianto placed the mug of coffee on Owens desk and walked from the scene. He watched from a far as Owen took sip after sip of his tasty beverage. A smile crossed Ianto's face the moment when he had finished his coffee. It would only be a matter of minutes before he began to feel the aftermath.

Owen twitched in his seat. Something stirred in his stomach. "Ow." he said to himself softly. He twitched again. Something wasn't right inside him. Oh no...

Ianto watched as Owen struggled to get to his feet. He looked around to see if anyone had seen him but everyone was to focused on their work which made him relax a bit. Ianto was sick of waiting.

"Owen! Are you alright?" Ianto asked innocently.

This was the _last _thing he wanted to happen. "Ah, yeah I'm fine. I'm just gonna go...to the bathroom. To wash my face. Thats all." By this time everyone was staring. Owen was practically running to the bathroom.

"Whats wrong with him?" Gwen asked.

Ianto couldn't contain himself. He burst out into a fit of laughter.

"What did you do Ianto Jones?" Tosh asked.

"He deserved it! He's been cracking jokes about me ever since he found out..." Ianto blushed.

"And you thought you'd get back at him by?" Gwen asked with a small grin, as if she knew what he had done.

"I just dropped a few laxative in his coffee. He'll be in the bathroom for the rest of the morning."

Tosh looked shocked at Ianto. She had never seen this side of his humor but she did like it. "You're cruel." She laughed.

"That'll teach him." Gwen smiled.

Ianto looked quite proud of himself.

.

.

Owen walked from the bathroom looking quite embarrassed. As soon as he entered the main hub area everyone broke out into laughter.

"You did this didn't you!" Owen was looking straight at Ianto. "Bloody Welshmen!"

"Sorry, but you _were _asking for it." Ianto answered.

Owen glared at him. "I will get you back for this!"

With that Ianto felt quite worried.

"It's on Welshmen!


	2. Owen's Revenge

Owen had been planning all day. He knew exactly what he wanted to do and how he was going to do it. Embarrassing the coffee boy was the only thing on his mind. It was only a matter of time before his plan fell straight into place. And yes, it was evil and no, he didn't feel bad. Not one bit.

.

.

Ianto cleaned up piles of paperwork innocently as the team members put pile after pile back on his desk. He organized them, filed them and made everything tidy, as he always did.

When he had finished he went into the kitchen and made a fresh batch of coffee's for everyone. He placed them on each desk but Owen waved him away.

"Theres nothing in it. I promise." Ianto smiled.

"Yeah yeah and I'm going to believe you why?"

Ianto sighed and placed it down on his desk in case he changed his mind. And chances were he would, being Owen couldn't resist the fresh smell of roasted coffee beans.

"Ianto, Can I see you in my office?" Jack called.

"Coming." Ianto quickly straightened up and headed for the stairs. The door closed behind him as Owen watched from his desk. What were they doing up there? Owen knew. Jack had been checking out Ianto's ass all day. It was hardly a wonder what they were doing. And Owen was going to take advantage of it.

He'd give it a moment. Let things settle in so he didn't do anything premature. This had to be perfect. He was going to make the Welshman wish he never messed with Owen Harper and Jack was just in it for the ride.

Owen headed for the stairs, his hand in his pocket, ready for what was about to happen. Chances were Jack wouldn't really care but Ianto would be falling over himself to stop this from happening and thats exactly what Owen wanted.

He reached the door. Ready to pull it open. 'Please.' Owen thought. 'let this go to plan' He had to get the coffee boy back and show him who he was messing with.

He pulled open the door and sure enough, there was Ianto almost completely naked with pretty much just his red tie hanging from his neck and Jack, still wearing his pants, grabbing the Welshman with full force.

Ianto turned and looked at the man standing in the doorway with a big smile on his face. "Get out!" he cried fumbling around for some item of clothing. Owen pulled his hand from his pocket and began snapping pictures. Flash after flash surrounded Ianto. Jack stood still with his arms crossed, looking both unamused and unimpressed.

"Get out Owen." He said calmly.

Owen took one final picture and walked from the scene, closing the door behind him. He felt quite proud of himself as he looked over the pictures. There were plenty of 'revealing' ones and just enough to watch the Welshman squirm. He sat down at his desk and hid the camera in his top draw, the only draw he had with a lock on it.

Soon Ianto came out of the office, now fully dressed and walked calmly towards a mischievous Owen. "Give it to me." He held out his hand and almost looked intimadating.

"No." Owen answered dryly.

Ianto's face turned from serious to quite panicked. "Give it to me Owen! This is not funny."

By now everyone was staring and wondering what Owen had done.

"Yeah, and it wasn't so funny for me when you put that Laxative in my coffee."

Ianto frowned. You deserved it! Now give it to me now!"

"No, I think I'll keep them and use them when I feel necessary."

"What do you mean _use_ them?" Ianto swallowed hard.

"I'm not sure yet, I'm sure I'll think of something."

Ianto huffed. "I'm going to get you back for this!"

"Oh no, I'm so scared!" Owen answered sarcastically.

"Whats going on?" Gwen asked.

Owen opened his mouth to tell her but Ianto cut him off. "Nothing. Nothings going on." the red in his face said otherwise. He was going to get those photos and he was going to get him back for taking them.

Because it was only a matter of time before Ianto thought of a way to get that bloody doctor!

**Please review and tell me what you think, It means a lot to me.**


	3. Ianto You Bastard!

Where's Owen? I Need to talk to him about these readings." Gwen asked Tosh while rustling through a pile of papers.

"Out with Jack. Their hunting for weevils. One was spotted at down town earlier." Tosh explained.

Gwen nodded and looked over at a dazed Ianto. "So, Whats your next plan of attack?"

Tosh rolled her eyes. "Don't encourage it."

"Come on then. You must have something up your sleeve."

"No idea's yet but something will come." Ianto said back with an evil look.

"You boys are so immature." Tosh was looking away now, back at her computer where he typed away. "Here they come." She pointed to the CCTV screen.

Soon Jack and Owen were back inside the hub and Owen wasn't pleased. He was covered in dirt and muck from head to toe.

"Bloody Harkness. Next time you want something done, do it yourself!" Owen hissed.

"Oh calm down. It was just an industrial bin."

"Yeah, filled with God knows what and now its all over me! You chase the damn thing through the mess next time."

"He got stuck in there." Jack laughed. "I had to pull him out."

"It's not funny!"

"Just go and have a shower and clean yourself up for God sake, you smell like a toilet."

"I feel like one." Owen stormed off to the showers.

"What a baby!" Jack walked to his office, winking at Ianto as he past. Ianto replied with a small roll of the eyes but a slight smile lingered on his face.

"Well, back to work I guess." Gwen sighed. They all heard the water running from the shower in the other room. And that when it hit him.

Ianto's face brightened like a lightbulb had just clicked on above his head. He walked casually into the other room.

"where are you going?" Tosh asked.

"Just, Ah, going to get a few files. You need to fill them out."

"Oh great."

"Sorry." He quickly rushed on.

Soon he was outside the bathrooms. The door was not locked, as it was pubic to all the torchwood staff. He opened it silently and entered swiftly. That rude Englishman was going to get what was coming to him. There sat Owens clothes. Sitting right in plain view for all to see, and to take. Ianto gathered them up quickly and began to leave but stopped in his tracks. Should he go so far as to take his towel too? Was that just _too_ cruel?

Ianto thought not. He snatch the towel from beside the door of the shower and headed for the door. Ianto was certain there were no other towels. That had to be the last clean one because he had sent the rest to the dry cleaners. He headed out the door and stashed Owens clothes in a box and hid that under his desk. It would only be a matter of time before Owens reaction would be heard throughout the hub.

15 minutes later.

"BLOODY HELL!" Owen cursed from the bathroom. Everybody froze and looked. "Give me back my clothes Ianto!"

A smile covered Ianto's face. This one really got to him.

There was silence from the bathroom. Then all of a sudden... "At _least _give me a towel!"

Gwen laughed hard. "You..." She couldn't finished through her laughter.

"Like I've said before, he deserves it!" Ianto smirked.

"Where are his clothes?" Tosh asked.

"Not telling. You'll go right in there and give them to him."

Tosh rolled her eyes.

"Bloody hell! You can't just leave me in here! I'm freezing my ass off in here." Owen complained.

"tell me where the photos are!" Ianto called back.

"You dirty..." Owen sighed loud. "In my top desk draw."

Ianto checked. "Wheres the key?"

Another loud sigh escaped the doctor. "behind the computer screen."

Ianto checked and sure enough he found the keys. One by one he tried each key before he found it and opened the locked draw. The camera was there and so Ianto deleted each picture one by one. With a sigh he put the camera back in the draw and re-locked it, placing the keys back where he had found them.

"No can I have my clothes please?" Owen called.

"Now that wasn't part of the deal!" Ianto called back

"You slimey bastard! What are you gonna do? Leave me in here all day?"

"No, you can have your clothes. You just have to come get them."

"What, stark naked and dripping wet? I don't think so!"

"Well then, you stay in there until you do."

"You can't do this! Jack!"

"I'm sorry Owen. Can't help. Ianto's hidden your clothes and none of them know where they are."

"Ask him!" Owen cried.

"I'm afraid I don't have authority over this matter."

"You're on his side! You basteds."

Gwen was still laughing her head off and Tosh was ignoring the whole situation.

One whole hour later

"Come on! Do you seriously want me to come out there in my birthday suit?" Owen was sitting on the ground at the door. He had almost completely drip dried and was still completely nude with nothing to put on.

"You embarrass me, I embarrass you." Ianto smirked.

"I didn't exactly public embarrass you."

"I guess I'm taking it one step further."

Owen groaned.

"How long are we going to let this go on?" Tosh whispered to Gwen.

"As long as it takes I guess. I think Owen's about to crack!" She smiled brightly at Owen's Misfortunes. "Come on Owen! Show us that bare ass."

"Oh grow up Gwen!" Owen snarled.

She laughed loudly.

Another whole hour later.

"I'm gonna get you back for this. You know that right!" Owen growled.

"Sure sure, I'll be waiting." Ianto answered.

Owen had grown tired of waiting. He was going to have to do what he so desperately didn't want to do. He coved himself up with only his hands and opened the door. "Where are they!"

Ianto looked shocked. There was Owen, junk in hands staring at him with very embarrassed eyes. Gwen and Tosh stared, Tosh not being able to take her eyes off Owens, very pale but very well toned bum.

Ianto pulled the box from beneath his desk and held it out for Owen to take. He hesitated. How was he going to do this whilst covering, ah, as much as he could. He turned his head and caught his two co-workers scaring at his unclothed buttocks and sighed. 'this really couldn't get any worse' he thought. So he took one hand off his crotch and attempted to snatch the box but was alarmed when Ianto moved it from his reach.

"Hey!" Owen's voice cracked a bit.

Tosh couldn't get her eyes off her team mates lower area, though she knew she should.

Ianto laughed and handed Owen the box. He pulled it from his hands and ran back to the bathroom.

They all laughed hard at what they just saw. Owen turned a bright shade of red as he put his clothes back on but knew this wasn't the end. He was going to make that coffee boy wish that he had never messed with him. He was going to get him back really good!

**Please tell me what practical Jokes you would like to see next in a review or private message. ether is good. :):)**

**Xoxo**

**Sarah**


	4. Suprise!

Ianto had embarrassed Owen beyond anything before. He had to take it one step futher. He had to show Ianto that he was a force not to be messed with and that he would win this war, even if it meant embarrassing Ianto so badly he would never think of doing another practical joke for as long as he lived.

.

.

It was the late hours of the afternoon. Owen had had a bright smile on his face all day. Something was up. Even when the team made fun of him for his extremely pale backside, his smile stayed glued to his face. It had been four days in the making but Owen had finally set up a plan that would make Ianto pay.

"Why are you so happy?" Gwen asked a little suspicious.

"Nothing. Can't a man smile without being questioned?" Owen replied.

She raised an eyebrow. "What have you got in store for poor Ianto?"

"_Poor Ianto? _That prat took my clothes and made me walk out in the open with nothing on but my bloody skin and you're saying _poor Ianto?"_ He rolled his eyes.

Gwen got back to work on her computer.

Ianto walked through the door with a sigh. It had been a long day but it was almost finished. Owen got up swiftly and walked over to him. "Guess whaaaaat."

Ianto sighed. "what is it Owen?"

"Remember when you deleted those photos?"

Ianto stiffened. He straightened his tie and cracked his neck. "What about it?"

"Well, before you deleted them, I got the chance to print them."

A look of horror plastered over his face. "You lie!"

"No, I don't." He handed Ianto a small yellow envelope.

He opened it quickly and pulled out a shiny photograph. Ianto fell the blood run from his face. There he was, almost fully naked, looking at the camera with a stunned expression on his face. He turned and faced a smiling Owen. He didn't exactly know what to say. Owen most likely had copies and this was going to end badly for the Welshman.

"Oh yes, remember when you made me come out here wearing nothing at all in front of all my co-workers?"

Ianto took a breath. "So...what are you going to do?"

"you want to know what I did with with it?"

"W,what?"

"Well, I scanned it into the computer and well, I'm about to send it to someone."

"Who! Don't please!"

"You embarrass me, I embarrass you." Owen quoted.

Those words came back to bite Ianto right in the ass. But he should have expected it. Wasn't like he thought Owen was going to give up that easy. "Who are you gonna send it too?"

Owen just smiled evilly and walked to his computer. Ianto followed behind with big puppy dog eyes. "Don't send them, please!"

It was too late. Owen had clicked the send button and the pictures were on their way through email.

DING DING

DING DING

Gwen and Tosh received emails. Ianto's face went a pale shade of white. He looked back at Owen who was smiling brightly.

"Oh God!" Ianto croaked.

It was to late. Gwen was covering her mouth with her hands and holding back laughter and Tosh had her mouth wide open. Both of them looked over at Ianto who was standing next to Owen. He was blushing a bright shade of red. "D,delete it!" He sighed. He couldn't do much. It was to late. He had to suck it up and face the embarrassment. After all, he did do kinda the same thing to Owen, but that didn't stop him from wanting to seek revenge.

Tosh quickly deleted the picture, holding back fits of laughter that leaked through. Gwen clicked the delete button and it was off her screen.

Ianto ran up the stairs and hid in Jacks office for the rest of the day, plotting his sweet revenge. Owen was going to get it. He was going to wish he had deleted those photos. Payback was going to be sweet.

**Tell me what practical Jokes you would like to see Ianto do to Owen and I might use it :):) Please Review.**

**XoXo**

**Sarah**


	5. Son Of A

Ianto had a plan. He had been cooking it up since the very moment he had been embarrassed in front of all his co-workers. It was only going to be a matter of time before Owen realized what he had done and when he did, shit was gonna hit the fan. He smiled to himself.

.

.

"Hey, you guys can head off home. It's been a slow day and I'll call you if anything shows up." Jack said while hanging off the railing of the hub.

"Alright." Gwen got up slowly and grabbed her coat.

Tosh got to her feet and stretched.

Owen got up from his seat. He seemed a bit 'off' the past few days. So Tosh decided to ask him about it. "What's with you lately? You've been acting all weird for days now."

Ianto smiled.

"Nothing!" Owen answered defensively. "I'm just tired. Don't ask me about it!"

Ianto chuckled and with that Owen gave him a death stare. "You!"

Everybody looked. "What's going on?" Tosh asked.

Ianto couldn't restrain himself. "I signed him up for an online gay site. I added a picture of him, his email and phone number."

Gwen's jaw dropped. She looked over at a now very angry Owen. "People think you're gay!" She burst out laughing,

"That was _not _funny! I've been getting calls and emails for bloody days now from guys asking me if I want to have a shag!" Owen snapped.

Tosh giggled while Gwen was in stitches. "They think...they think you're gay!" She puffed.

Ianto just smiled. "I also told this one guy, Sam, he's got quite a crush on you, that you liked to be chased and that if he persisted than eventually you would cave in."

"You son of a bitch! That guy wont leave me the bloody hell alone!" Owen shuttered at the memories. "How do I fix this?"

Ianto just walked away. Soon he was outside in the wind and Owen was trailing closely behind him. Tosh and Gwen followed eagerly behind to watch.

"Tell me how to fix it!" Owen growled.

"There is a way, but I think I'll keep it to myself for now."

"Don't be a dick! Tell me how to fix it!"

"Just log into your account on and disable the account." Ianto instructed.

"Whats the password?"

"Aw, I'm afraid I can't help you there."

"Ianto! This is a serious matter! I got guys all over the bloody place trying to get into my pants!"

.

"Excuse me." a voice called from behind Owen. He swung around and there was an standing behind him. Tosh and Gwen stayed well away from the fight and well away from this new visitor.

"Yeah?" Owen answered.

The man slid his finger down Owen's arm. "Heard you were looking for a good time."

Owen shuttered. "No! I'm not and you can tell all your bloody friends that too!"

"Come on..." He pulled in closer to him. "I'll ride you all night."

Owen pulled away. "Get away from me!"

The man sighed. "Fine, but you're the one missing out." He walked away.

.

Gwen and Tosh were laughing so hard they almost missed Owen's expression. He looked desperate now.

"Bloody hell Ianto! Just disable it! You've had your fun!"

Ianto looked as if he was thinking but answered with a blunt. "No."

"Please." He sighed. "So you're just gonna let guys come up to me for the rest of my bloody life and hound me for sex?"

"I'll get bored sooner or later."

"You're a real piece of work Ianto Jones! I'm gonna get you back so bloody bad!"

"Yeah, yeah. While 20 guys are trying to get your pants off."

Owen glared and walked from the scene to his car. His phone rang and he answered it. "No I'm not bloody interested! Don't call me again!" He hung up the phone and shoved it back into his pocket, slamming his car door as he stepped inside it.

Tosh and Gwen walked up to Ianto. "That was really mean." Gwen giggled.

"When are you going to disable the account?" Tosh asked.

Ianto thought hard. "I'll disable it, when he gives in."


	6. Betrayal

Owen sat at his desk pondering. He had no idea what he was going to do. Tosh pulled her chair up beside him.

"What Tosh. I'm thinking." Owen said a little irritated.

"About what you're going to do to Ianto?" Tosh asked.

He gave her a look. "Yeah."

"Want me to give you some ideas?"

"You want to _help _me?"

"Sure."

"You realize your picking a side don't you?"

"I've made my choice."

Owen smiled. "Alright, what you got?"

the two talked through ideas until they agreed on one.

"Yep, that would piss him off so much!" Owen agreed. "Are you going to help me or remain...lets say anonymous?"

"I'll help. Like I said, I've picked my side." Tosh grinned.

Owen had never seen a bad side of Tosh but he liked it! "Good."

They had set up their plan and they both prayed to God that it would go well. It was slightly immature but they knew it would piss him off badly.

As the team walked from the hub they all stretched at the late hours they had been working. Ianto was the first to leave. Gwen was not far behind him. Tosh grabbed her just before She opened the door.

"Wait!"

"What?" Gwen asked.

"I um..." Tosh strained to think of something but she didnt have to. Ianto opened the door and it happened. Owen watched their handy work.

Red paint fell from the top of the door and all over Ianto. He was covered head to toe in icky sticky paint.

Tosh and Owen hight fived.

"Red is your colour..." Tosh insisted with a smirk. Owen burst out laughing.

Gwen looked both shocked and amused. "Tosh! You were in on this?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry Ianto."

Ianto stood still, still in disbelief that this was happening. "That was the most immature practical joke ever!" He growled.

"Give up?" Owen asked.

"No! Never you basted. And I expected more from you Tosh!"

Tosh could only giggle. "I said I was sorry."

Ianto walked away with whatever dignity he had left and took off his jacket. Gwen followed concerningly.

"Are you alright sweetheart?"

"I'm fine. But now I got Tosh pulling crap on me!"

Gwen smiled. "but you got me."

Ianto looked at her through red paint.

"Lets show them who can crack 'immature' jokes." she gave him a reassuring smile.

"Thanks Gwen."

"Its alright love. We'll get Owen. I've got just the plan."


	7. Oh Noooo

"Are you serious?" Ianto asked.

"Absolutely!" Gwen answered.

"How the hell are we gonna pull this off?"

"I have a plan. We'll get him naked by the end of the day"

The heat was up and Owen was sweating it out. "Why the hell is it so hot in here?"

"Because I'm in the room." Jack smiled.

"Bloody hilarious."

Tosh sweat but stayed silent.

Owen began taking off his clothes one layer at a time. "I gotta get out of here."

"Alright you can come with me. Were going weevil hunting." Jack answered.

"Oh no! Last time I went hunting with you I ended up lost in a trash bin."

"You come with me or you stay here."

Owen sighed. He had to get out of this place the heat was overpowering. "Alright!"

they headed out the door and soon they were gone. Ianto walked over to the generator and turned down the heat. Soon the hub was at a perfect temperature.

"Thank God!" Gwen sighed.

"I know, we suffer to make him suffer!" Ianto breathed in cool air.

"Why do you always do this?" Owen growled as he re-entered the hub.

"Do what?" Jack asked innocently.

"Make me dirty! Make me smell bad!"

"I'm going to let that one slide." Jack grinned.

"This is not funny! I got to take a shower and I'm _not _letting my clothes out of my sight."

Ianto rolled his eyes and handed Owen a batch of new clothes to put on. "Put the old ones in the clothes bin. I'll have them dry cleaned. 

Owen snatched the clothes from Ianto and stormed off to the bathrooms. Ianto exchanged a look with Gwen and the deed had been done.

Owen returned to the hub in his fresh clothes and took his olds ones to be dry cleaned. He wasn't about to let Ianto mess with them. He sat at his desk and began typing away. Soon he began to feel '_uncomfortable_' He squirmed around in his chair uncontrollably and began itching his entire body.

He looked up at Gwen and Ianto who were staring right at him. "You did something didn't you?" Owen hissed.

"Not at all. What seems to be the problem?" Ianto answered.

"My body feels like its being attacked my mosquitoes! I'm itchy all over!"

Gwen laughed.

"You're in on this too?" Owen asked.

"Well Tosh took sides, so I did too!" Gwen answered.

"You, you, what did you guys do?" Owen jumped up and began tearing off his clothes.

"It's called itching powder!" Ianto laughed. "I'll make you itch like crazy and give you a nasty rash but you'll be just fine."

Owen yanked off his shirt and threw it to the ground. "God! Did you put it all over the clothes?"

"Yep!" Gwen laughed.

"How did you know I would need to ch..." Owen gulped. "JACK! Were you in on this?"

Jack turned from his chair and walked to his office door. "I love practical jokes." He smiled evilly.

"Bloody hell!" Owen bolted for the bathroom and yanked at the door handle but it didn't open. "What! Why wont it open! Gwen! Ianto! Open it!"

Gwen smiled. "We checked all the instructions. The rash wont last unless the powder stays on your skin for longer than 20 minutes. So you can't shower."

"You're bloody sadistic! Open the door!" He itched his bare chest crazily leaving scratch marks all over his pale skin. He could see the rash spreading. "I'm going to get you _both _back for this!" He yanked at the bathroom door handle but it was no use.

Tosh gulped. She only hoped nothing like this would happen to her but she promised herself she would remain loyal to Owen.

20 minutes later.

Owen was practically nude. He was wearing only his boxer briefs and he was rubbing his back against the wall rhythmically. His entire body was red and scratched.

Ianto stood up and opened the bathroom door. Owen saw this and bolted for the shower, throwing himself into the water at full speed. Everyone heard his sigh of relief when he began rubbing the powder off his skin. The itch went away but the rash remained.

Soon he was dressed in clean untainted clothes and was walking quite stiff back to his desk. He stopped off at Tosh's desk and whispered. "Are you still with me?"

Tosh nodded and the pare were ready to get them both back for what they had done to _poor _Owen.


	8. Unfair

**Sorry bout not having chapters up fast enough, I've been really sick and I'm trying to get back on track. Bare with me please lol :):) I really hope you enjoy. :):)**

Ianto was watching his back all day after their last assault on Owen. He was still red raw from the itching powder and cursing Ianto's name so he was staying well away from the Englishman.

Ianto sat at his desk and sorted through file after file. Owen looked sore as he rubbed at his red arm. Ianto looked back at his desk and sighed. He wasn't going to feel guilty. Owen deserved everything he got. He smiled to himself.

He placed his hand on his computer mouse and moved it to the email button he clicked down his pointer finger and an overwhelming shock of electricity pulsed through his arm. It took him a moment to let the button go but when he did he threw his arm to his chest, holding it close to him.

"What the hell was that?" Ianto cried. He looked over at a chuckling Owen. "You did this!"

"I really hope that hurt." Owen answered.

Ianto rolled his eyes and looked at his spasming arm. Secretly he was relieved this joke wasn't as bad as what he thought it would be. He sighed to himself, unplugged the mouse and threw it in the bin.

RING RING

Ianto's phone began to ring. He picked it up. "Hello."

There was no reply.

"Hello?"

No reply.

He sighed and pulled the phone from his ear and placed it back. Soon he realized that the phone was not budging from his hand. He shook it hand furiously but the phone was _suck _to me. He began breathing heavily. _Owen._

"Something wrong Ianto?" Owen chirped.

"Aha very funny! What is this, super glue?"

"Pressure activated super glue."

"Funny! How the hell am I meant to get this off?"

"Not my problem."

"Thats two pranks! Not fair!"

"Didn't know their were rules now! You didn't think you were getting off that easy, did you?"

Ianto sighed. He knew _something_ like this was going to happen. How could he deny it? He just hoped there was nothing else in store for him. He unplugged the phone and headed up the stairs to see the captain. Maybe he could help remove the glued phone from his hand.

"Jack?" Ianto asked polity.

"Yes?" Jack answered.

"Ah, I kind of...glued my hand to my phone."

"Owen?" Jack looked up.

"Yeah."

Jack stood up and walked to his lover. After examining his hand he realized that Ianto's _whole hand _was covered with this sticky substance. "I'm gonna have to take you to the hospital." Jack half smiled but held it back. He had chosen Ianto's side and he was supposed to be mad.

The to headed for the door with a satisfied Owen sitting at his desk. When they were gone he jumped up to see his partner in crime. "Worked like a charm!"

Tosh smiled. "one of my fiends had to have pressure activated glue removed from her hand. She had the top few layers of skin removed. She said it hurt a lot."

"Payback for my skin!" He unbuttoned his shirt to see his red raw chest. "It still itches a bit."

Tosh giggled. "Time for faze two."

Gwen was making coffee while all the Ianto business was happening which made it even easier to slip over and _take a look _at her abandoned boots at the bottom of her desk.

Tosh swiftly moved towards them and tipped something inside them. After she had finished she moved back to her desk and started randomly typing. Gwen returned with a coffee in hand. She placed it on her desk and sighed. She knew she should put her boots back on, this was work after all but they were hurting her feet. She gave in and slipped her feet back into them, zipping them up slowly.

Soon she pulled her eyebrows together. Something was between her toes...something sticky! She pulled one of her boots off and the sweet smell of Honey lingered _inside _her boot!

"what the hell?" she gasped. She looked over at Tosh and Owen, who were laughing and smiling to each other. "You did this? You basteds! This better come out or I'll, I'll..."

"You'll what?" Owne asked a little cocky.

"I'm going to get you back for this and whatever you do to Ianto."

"He's off to the hospital with Jack." Tosh explained.

"What! Why?" Gwen gasped.

"He somehow glued his phone to his hand..."

Gwen growled and tugged at her boots. They were going to get it, SO BAD! Tosh included!


	9. You're Messing With The Best

**This one is really mean so beware. lol. I made up the name of the alcohol cause I didn't want to name a particular brand. :P:P**

"If they want to get childish, well, WE can get childish." Gwen smiled.

"My hand hurts." Ianto complained.

"Yeah, were gonna get them back."

"Well I have an idea. It's not what id call childish though."

"Great. Tell me."

"Its gonna take some work, but We can get Owen with it."

"We need to get Tosh too."

"We'll het her, just wait."

.

.

The day had finished finally and Owen was tired. "God, I'm gonna head home and sleep."

"Don't you usually party." Gwen asked.

"Not really in the mood. I might just go home, have a few beers and go to bed."

"Fair enough, goodnight Owen."

"Night Tosh."

Owen headed for his car but was stopped by Gwen. "Hey, I need to talk to you. I'm thinking of switching sides, if you know what I mean."

Owen smiled. "Mm, I like the sound of that."

"Can I come back to your place? I have a great plan for Ianto."

Owen nodded and gestured for his car. Gwen hopped in and they drove to Owens apartment.

When they arrived Gwen pulled a bottle of 'Blue Sting tequila' from her bag and placed it on his table.

"Whoa, you serious?" Owen asked.

"Yep, it's my favorite tequila." Gwen answered.

"Mine too!"

"Great. Let's get to business."

The two sat on Owens couch and before he Owen knew it he was drunk off his head and trying to teach Gwen to drink tequila properly.

"You lick the salt then drink the tequila shot. After you've taken the shot, take a bite of the lime." Owen did an example and moved the shot to Gwen.

"Okay, you take the shot, lick the salt and…"

"No! How many bloody times do I have to tell you? You lick the salt _then_ drink the tequila shot. After you've taken the shot, take a bite of the lime." He did another example and moved the shot to Gwen.

"Oh okay! So you bite the lime then lick the salt…"

"Are you serious?" He slurred his words. "You lick the salt first, then take the shot!" He showed another example and moved the shot to Gwen.

"So you lick the salt, bite the lime and take the shot?"

"You're completely impossible. You Lick the salt, take the shot and bite the time!" He showed yet another example and pushed it back to Gwen.

"So you lick the salt then take the shot at the same time as biting the lime?"

Owen thought about this. "How is that even possible?"

"I don't know! This is too complicated."

Owen shook his head. He was completely smashed. He got up from his chair just before falling on his face. Gwen, not being drunk at all, picked him up and carried him to his bed. She removed his shirt, then his shoes and socks and pants. Soon Owen was stark naked and lying on his bed. She covered him with a blanket and grabbed her phone from her pocket. She dialed a number and waited for an answer.

"Hello?" A voice answered.

"Hi, Its me, you ready?" Gwen answered.

"Yep, I'm on my way up."

"Good. Bye." Gwen hung up and ran for the door.

She opened it up and let in her friend Troy inside. He quickly undressed and headed into bed with Owen. Gwen laughed her head off before scattering the clothes all over the floor. She grabbed her things and headed for the door. Owen would have to show up to work tomorrow and he would be freaking out. There was a back story and everything. Troy would tell Owen he was a friend of his from (The site Ianto signed him up for earlier) and that he came by after the girl left and Owen _invited him in. _

Gwen chuckled. The aftermath would be fantastic.

.

.

Gwen typed away at her compter, showing up extra early to watch every biit of Owen's reaction. Ianto stood by her desk and chatted away. Both of them were expecting great things for the day.

Soon Owen entered the up with red eyes. He looked at Gwen for a moment then shyed away.

"Owen, did you keep drinking after I left?" Gqwen asked.

"Why'd you leave the bottle?"

"You said it was your favorite tequila, so I left it with you. What happened?"

"Nothing! I don't want to talk about it. Just forget about it! Its over! That's it!"

Ianto and Gwen looked at each other and almost bust into laughter but contained themselves. They were going to let him stew in the thoughts for a while.

While Gwen was working, Ianto had his part taken care of. When Tosh arrived, she would be in for a shock.

.

.

When Tosh arrived she headed for her computer. She clicked the buttons and it turned on slowly. DING, DING.

You have been hacked.

All your files will now be erased.

Soon, one by one each file deleted itself.

'No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Tosh slammed on the keys and clicked away but it was no use, all her files had been erased. She looked at the computer in disbelief before hyperventilating. "My, my, my…" She remained motionless.

Gwen and Ianto finally exploded in laughter after not being able to hold any more in.

Tosh turned to face them with a painful anger in her face. "YOU SENT ME A VIRUS? YOU DELETED MY FILES?"

Ianto giggled. "Yeah, that was me."

"ALL MY STUFF WAS ON THERE EVERYTHING! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?"

Ianto laughed harder. "Oh relax." He pulled a usb from his pocket and handed it to her. "I saved everything onto this, just wanted your reaction."

Tosh snatched the usb and jammed it into the computer. She opened it and sure enough everything she needed and had on the computer was there. A sigh of relief flooded through her.

She looked up at Ianto with evil eyes. "You bastard!"

"You and Owen stole the skin from my hand! I had to go to hospital! I'm just getting you back."

Tosh sighed. She did have it coming. But she wouldn't give up.

Owen seemed unfazed. His eyes remaining on his computer screen, which was empty.

"What's your problem Owen?" Ianto asked.

"Nothing! Why does there need to be a problem?" His eyes looked protective.

"Oh chill out Owen!" Gwen giggled. "You didn't really sleep with him."

Owen's chest sunk. "You bloody BITCH!"

Gwen got up and did a little around her chair. "I got you so bad! That's for destroying my $150 shoes!"

Owen grabbed his heart. He didn't have heart to fight, he was to relived to move. "I'm gonna get you bastards!"

"Me too!" Tosh added.

"Bring it on!" Gwen answered with a laugh.

"Dare you." Ianto added.

**Who do you want to win this war? Ianto and Gwen or Owen and Tosh? Answer in a review please :):)**


	10. Double Trouble

"GOD! Thats Brilliant! He'll be begging for the war to be over! A double prank! I love it! He'll never see it coming." Ianto smiled the next morning at work.

"Good I knew you'd liked it." Gwen answered.

"But what about Tosh?"

"Easy, I'll lock her in the store room for a while. That would piss her off more than we need"

Ianto smiled to himself. "Perfect."

"Here he comes! I'll get Tosh." Gwen hurried over to Tosh. Ianto smirked at Owen as he walked by.

"What? You got a practical joke coming? I'm so _scared._" Owen laughed sarcastically.

All Ianto could do was smile. This was going to be epic and Owen wouldn't know what hit him in the end. And yes, it was immature but he did have paint pored all over him so he was allowed to be immature.

Gwen returned soon and walked up to Tosh who was sitting at her computer. "Ah Tosh?'

"Yes?"

"could you grab me a few files from the store room?"

"Okay." Tosh hopped up and headed to the store room which was conveniently located on the other side of the hub. She walked inside, not realizing that Gwen was trailing not to far behind her. She stood on a few boxes and pulled files from the top shelf but before she realized it the door behind her snapped shut and clicked into place.

She banged on the door. "Let me out of here! What are you doing?"

"Sorry Tosh, Owen first!"

"You..."

Gwen moved away, ready to help her partner in crime finish what they had started. She movede behind Owen and grabbed his shoulders. He jumped at the contact.

"What are you doing?"

"Just seeing how you're going."

"Fine, now bugger off."

Without Owen even realizing it When had slipped one of her favorite alien devices onto his wrist.

"What the hell! Whats that?" He pulled on the little black object. It looked a little like a bangle and clicked shut like a hand cuff. She ran back to Ianto who was holding a small little black switch in his hands.

Owen jumped up and pulled at the bangle but it was no use it was stuck on his arm. "What is this?"

"Only my favorite device ever! It send out electrical shocks with just the click of a button."

He looked up to see Ianto holding the switch in his hot little hands and gulped at the thought of what he would do with it. "Put that down!"

"Make me!"

Owen moved a little closer but was struck down by a small jolt of electricity. "You can't so this! Its our turn!"

"That's the perfect time! When you least expect it!"

"You're both cheats!"

"Now we don't want to hurt you so we only set it as a light shock."

"Don't wanna hurt me? That hurt enough!" Gwen smiled.

"That's what what you get for destroying my best suit!"Ianto smiled evily.

"What?"

"Remember the paint attack? You ruined my _best _suit and this is my payback."

"You already got me back for that, you bastard! Where's Tosh?"

"She can't help you now."

"Mark my bloody words, you will get whats coming to you!" Owen snapped.

"I'm scared. Really."

"What do you want?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Gwen grinned.

"For the key to this bloody contraption!"

"Go up to Jack and tell him you love him."

"What?" Owen looked horrified.

"Do it or I'll shock you again!" Ianto boomed.

"That's just bloody wrong!"

Ianto glared.

"Do it!" Gwen hissed.

"No!"

Before Owen knew it another bolt of electricity shot down his arm and to his torso. "Son of a bitch!"

"Do I now?" Ianto asked.

"No. I wont do it!"

Ianto went to press the button again.

"Stop! Don't!"

"So you'll announce your true feeling for Jack then? Tell him that you've loved him since the moment you met him?"

Owen cringed. He couldn't bring himself to do it...could he? He stayed silent. Ianto put his finger to the button but was stopped by a desperate cry.

"No! Don't, please!

"Well then?"

"Bloody fine! He wont believe me though, you know that!"

"Be convincing or the cuff doesn't come off!"

Owen huffed. This was bloody humiliating. He marched up the stairs to see the caption but stopped at the door. He looked back at Ianto and Gwen with resistant eyes but was waved away. He turned back and knocked on the door.

"Come in." Jacks voice answered. Owen entered the office.

.

.

"Jack will see right through him." Ianto laughed.

"He'll most likely play along to scare him." Gwen answered.

They both chuckled together.

.

.

"Yes Owen?"

"Eh, I um just wanted to tell you something..."

"What is it?"

"I um...well...its kinda been playing on my mind the last few days."

"Ahuh."

"I...I..."

"Spit it out then!"

"I bloody love you Jack!"

Jack stayed silent.

"Have for a while now and..." '_God...'_ Owen thought to himself."I can't stop thinking about you."

"Oh really?" Jack glimpsed down at Owens wrist. Re recognized the little black ring around his wrist and knew immediately what was going on. He raised an eyebrow.

"Eh, yeah and um, I just wanted to let you know."

Jack got to his feet and moved towards a very awkward Owen. He brushed his lips up against his ear and whispered. "I knew it."

Owen pulled his brows together. "You did?"

"Yep. I've been eying you off for a while now and I knew you noticed.

Owen gulped. Oh _God! _This was not happening.

"I never could resist an Englishman. Specially one quite as...yummy, as you." Jacks mouth was right next to his collar bone now. S mall smile flickered on his face when he felt the small flinch he recived from Owen.

"Uh... I should go..." He went to leave but was stopped by Jacks strong arm.

"Why would you leave? We have so much to talk about." He pushed his face up against the doctor and moved his lips back to his ear. "So much to do..."

Owen felt his heart beating a mile an hour. Jack was actually interested. Surely things couldn't get worse.

Jack thought he'd finish it off with one movement. He grabbed Owens ass and felt the other man jump higher than he had ever seen, ever thought humanly possible.

"Alright! Enough! This is bloody mad!"

Jack's laughter boomed.

"You bastard! You knew the whole time and didn't stop it?"

"How could I, you were basically throwing yourself at me!"

"I was bloody not!" He stormed from the room to see the pair laughing their heads off. "Hilarious! Give me the bloody key!"

Ianto threw him the key and Owen quickly released himself from the device. "You're both gonna pay! Big time!"

Gwen rushed off to let Tosh free from the store room. A double prank. Best day ever.


	11. The Final Chapter

**Hi! I've loved writing this story and coming up with evil practical jokes. :) I really hope you like the final prank and you're happy with who wins. :) Enjoy, there will be a sequel if you do :):)**

**XoXo**

**Sarah**

The whole hub was quite. Owen and Tosh had come up with the greatest practical joke ever. This would end the war leaving Owen as the champion of the practical jokes war! Everything was falling into place.

"Ianto, could I speak with you for a moment?" Owen asked politely.

"Why? What are you up to?" Ianto answered warily.

"Nothing at all. I just want to talk to you."

Ianto moved a little closer to the doctor.

"I wanted to tell you that I think this war should end. I've had my fair share of humiliation and so have you so how about we end it?"

Ianto was positive this was a trick. Owen had something major lined up and Ianto was _not _going to fall right into his trap.

"Liar. You don't want to stop anything. You're trying to trick me."

"Not at all. I'm very much serious…"

A loud siren went off and the whole hub froze. Red lights blared from the corners of the room and all the doors closed and sealed.

"YOU!" both Owen and Ianto shouted at one another.

"You did this!" Ianto growled.

"Piss off! You can't get me three times in a row!" Owen scoffed.

All of a sudden Jack came out of his office flying down the stairs. "Johns here and he came loaded."

Ianto pulled his brows together. "What's he want?"

Jack tightened his lips. "That doesn't matter. All that matters is that we get out of here."

Tosh jumped up from her chair and joined Gwen who was pointing her weapon into empty space.

"What do we do?" Tosh asked. "Where is he?"

"Not sure, he could be anywhere. Owen and Ianto check the cells, Tosh and Gwen check the back store rooms. I'll go by the cells then everywhere in between. Keep your guns held high."

Everybody nodded and headed in their directions. Owen and Ianto moved swiftly into the cells, checking each one by one.

Owen stood at the open door of a cell. "This one's open. Was there anything insi…" before he could finish Jack had knocked him over, took his gun and closed the door to the cell, with Owen still inside unarmed and very shocked.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"It's for your own good."

Ianto stood motionless at the cell. Jack turned to face the now stunned tea boy. "Give me your gun and Get in that cell."

"Jack!" Ianto detested.

"In now or I'll shoot your foot."

Ianto looked more shocked then he'd ever been but finally obeyed the caption. He handed in his weapon and entered the cell next to Owen. Jack closed the door and headed for the exit.

"What are you doing? You can't leave us in here!" Owen hissed.

"Can and will." Jack answered. He shut the doors and headed back to the hub. After shutting off the alarms Tosh and Gwen returned. "What's happened?"

"Nothing. John was never here." Jack said with a cheeky smile.

"What are you on about?" Gwen asked.

"You two are lucky. I'm punishing the boys for this war but I'm letting you off the hook."

"Why?" Tosh asked

"Because you're not nearly as bad as the boys. They'll kill each other before they call it quits. I'm letting you off on one condition."

"What?" Tosh asked.

"No more practical jokes. At least not for a few months."

The girls looked at each other. "Deal." They said together.

Jack nodded and sat at Tosh's desk.

"So where are Owen and Ianto?" Gwen asked.

Jack looked at her with a smug smile on his face. He tapped away at Tosh's computer and soon the CCTV screens were up. Tosh and Gwen crowded in to see.

Owen sat on the cell bed tapping his foot. His face showed his frustration. While Ianto paced the cell looking a little claustrophobic.

"How long you gonna keep them down there?" Tosh asked with a little smile.

"As long as possible, just to torture them." Jack grinned.

Gwen smiled. "What are you gonna do with them?"

"Torment them."

Gwen giggled.

.

.

The doors to the cellar opened. Jack walked in to see Owen had jumped from his cells bed.

"Let us out of here!"

"I don't know about that, I kinda like seeing you squirm." Jack answered.

"Not cool."

Ianto pushed himself up against his cell door. "Jack, we get it. No more practical jokes."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Well, I want you guys to truce. No more practical jokes. Not for a while anyway."

Ianto sighed. "Yes, yes. Truce Owen?"

Owen rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Truce. Just let me out of here."

"I'll let you guys out tomorrow. For now, I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted!

**So was the end satisfying? Should there be a sequel? Please review XoXo**


End file.
